Are you like me? Does the concept of promoting your stupid trash confuse and irritate you? Check out beefcarcass.com‘s ten tips to promote your website:
1. Record yourself performing a sweet bike stunt. If you don’t own a bike, borrow one. Later, when you break your leg in three places and go to the hospital, tell your doctors about your website. They’re on the clock so they have to listen to you.
2. Set something on fire, then tell the papers the website made you do it.
3. Follow other websites home at night. Make them uncomfortable in public. Threaten their mental wellbeing. Let them know there’s a new dog in town.
4. This Sunday, lead your church congregation in a hymnal, and really get into it. I mean really belt that sucker out. Later, people will wonder who that person with the magnificent stage presence was, and if they have a website.
5. Say your website has something to do with Star Wars. People still like Star Wars. Me just typing Star Wars a bunch of times in this post for no reason just drastically increased its SEO ranking.
6. Invent an amazing new product, then sell it on your website.
7. Corner people in public bathrooms and force them to watch your TikTok videos.
8. Wear a Zorro mask. The next time you kill a guy and people ask “Just who is that masked stranger?” tell them your name is website.
9. You are a filthy little pig. Clean yourself up. Comb your hair. Try to look presentable, for God’s sake.
10. Never let people see the real you. Hide this demon with zeal.