Top Ten Child-Rearing Tips
We all know that children are living nightmares, whose general worth has yet to be proven. Here are ten child-rearing tips to better manage your damnable hellions: 1. Children have poor motor skills, and generally can’t wipe themselves until at least the age of fourteen. But even then the child will not be good at
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MY RISE TO HEAD HONKY OF A NEW YORK STATE PRISON
Sure, I was a little nervous, like a kid on his first day of school. The butterflies gave my tummy a good tickling as we passed through the gates on our way to the great concrete building. Uniformed men brandishing shotguns and handcuffs ushered us roughly from the bus with dirty looks and insults, generally
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CRABS ARE BULLSHIT
I think to be a crustacean must be the worst thing in the world. They are truly the shittiest of creatures, bottom-feeding relics of a prehistory best forgotten, with no business or place in this current century. We have computers now. VR headsets. What’s a crab even supposed to do around here? Crustaceans are simply
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Kenny Sharkman: Office Jerk
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Ten Tips for a Successful Marriage
Tired of marriage? Wondering why you did this to yourself? Check out beefcarcass.com‘s ten tips for a successful marriage: 1. Tell your spouse you’ve seen prettier, but not by much. This kind of backhanded compliment instills in your spouse the subconscious fear that you might be settling and will encourage them to work harder. 2.
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THAT TIME I TRIED TO CAPTURE A LIVE BEAR
They said it couldn’t be done, not by one man alone, with no experience and no discernible skill set. Here they were, in my very home, my former friends and colleagues, attempting to talk me out of… well, we might as well call it what it was: my destiny. Yes. It was my destiny to
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