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THAT TIME I STUFFED A SAUSAGE DOWN MY PANTS
I don’t know what the big deal was. It was a nice piece of meat. I only buy quality. But you try telling that to a dame who’s just discovered your terrible secret. “What the fuck is this?” she said of the sausage resting beside my mediocre dick. “It’s a sausage,” I said. “What the
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THAT TIME I WENT TO CHURCH
There I was, revving up the church choir with some stirring renditions of “HIGH UP ON HIGH” and “HALLOWED THOU ART,” hymnals that always got my feet-a-tappin’ and my heart-a-poundin’ as the white-hot power of the mighty Lord Jesus once again surged through my uncomfortably swollen brain. “Do you feel it?!” I kept shouting into
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HOW TO EAT A RASPBERRY DANISH
Always wanted to eat a raspberry Danish, but you don’t know how? This is a common problem for assholes. Luckily, beefcarcass.com has ten tips to help you achieve your impossible dream: 1. Wear a necktie. Trust me. 2. No, seriously. You don’t want to be caught eating a Danish without a necktie. 3. Are you
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