Again the woman threw her drink in my face. Red wine rolled down my chin and stained my favorite tie. “I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” I told her. “I said I’d like to have sex with you.” “Oh,” the woman said. “I thought you said you worked for the postal service.” “No ma’am. I […]
THAT TIME I WENT TO A BAR Read More »
It was the middle of the night, and I was sleeping soundly, when the window beside my bed slid open. I shot up in terror as the oblong shape lumbered over the sill and put his foot upon my mattress. He huffed and grumbled and when the whole of him had finally made it inside
LORD OF THE THINGS Read More »
Eddie Two-Nose said to those fat greasy mooks around the table, “Johnny the Scar is gettin’ fifteen to twenty for making those old ladies box each other. So he’s fucked. What I want to know is… which one of you scumbags finked?” And he pointed at us with his large index finger, and his large
THAT TIME I WAS A STOOL PIGEON Read More »
(DISCLAIMER: The following entry contains several racial epithets and instances of human rights abuse. Beefcarcass.com does not condone or support such language or any of the actions described herein. However, in the interest of journalistic accuracy, and for possible use as evidence against the man at his eventual trial, we print Dr. Harvey “Hoot” Cracker’s
INDIANA HOOT AND THE CURSE OF SOME SHIT-HOLE Read More »
Looking for the top ten restaurants in Milford, NJ? First, how did you find Milford? Who told you about it? Did you wake up here after another one of your benders? You really need to get your shit together. But before you do, here are the ten best restaurants in this godforsaken zip code: 1.
Top Ten Restaurants in Milford, NJ Read More »
