Always wanted to eat a raspberry Danish, but you don’t know how? This is a common problem for assholes. Luckily, beefcarcass.com has ten tips to help you achieve your impossible dream:
1. Wear a necktie. Trust me.
2. No, seriously. You don’t want to be caught eating a Danish without a necktie.
3. Are you wearing a necktie? I don’t see one.
4. I’m worried about you. I’m worried about your future if you don’t put on this necktie.
5. I bought this necktie at T.J. Maxx.
6. Okay, I’ll settle for a bolo tie.
7. Here, put on this bolo tie.
8. Stop fighting me. I’ll kill you and your whole family if you don’t put on this bolo tie.
9. Hey, I’m just kidding. Can’t you take a joke? Don’t call the police, you fucking idiot. Just put on the goddamn bolo tie.
10. You’re a bit of a curmudgeon, aren’t you? You don’t have to be one, but you’re being one anyway. It’s like you don’t give a shit about the Danish people at all. You don’t care about Danish feelings. I don’t even know who you are, man. Get fucked.