A series of blogs that should appeal only to perverts, degenerates, and other assorted trash, these are the life stories of the legendary Harvey “Hoot” Cracker, as told by the man himself.
Read them at your peril.
There I was, revving up the church choir with some stirring renditions of “HIGH UP ON HIGH” and “HALLOWED THOU ART,” hymnals that always got my feet-a-tappin’ and my heart-a-poundin’ as the white-hot power of the mighty Lord Jesus once again surged through my uncomfortably swollen brain. “Do you feel it?!” I kept shouting into […]
THAT TIME I WENT TO CHURCH Read More »
Sure, I was a little nervous, like a kid on his first day of school. The butterflies gave my tummy a good tickling as we passed through the gates on our way to the great concrete building. Uniformed men brandishing shotguns and handcuffs ushered us roughly from the bus with dirty looks and insults, generally
MY RISE TO HEAD HONKY OF A NEW YORK STATE PRISON Read More »
They said it couldn’t be done, not by one man alone, with no experience and no discernible skill set. Here they were, in my very home, my former friends and colleagues, attempting to talk me out of… well, we might as well call it what it was: my destiny. Yes. It was my destiny to
THAT TIME I TRIED TO CAPTURE A LIVE BEAR Read More »
There I was, in my crocs and a sunhat and a pair of skimpy white shorts. I lowered my oversized cat-eye sunglasses to better gaze upon the pulsating curiosity that seemed to have sprung up overnight, right beside my prize-winning azaleas. It appeared to be an egg of some kind, roughly twice the size of
THAT TIME I FOUND A WEIRD GREEN EGG Read More »
